Alexandra D. Datig, Founder
The name for Five Years From Now was first inspired during an interview with Mike Walker, Senior Editor of the National Enquirer. He asked me: “What would you say if you had three young ladies sitting in front of you right now? You know they’re having a little fun, maybe drinking a little here, doing a little of this and that on the party scene. What advice would you have for them?” My response was simple. “I would ask the young ladies - and gentlemen for that matter – where do you see yourself five years from now? - Because had someone asked me that question, perhaps things would have gone in a different direction.”
Many years of learning in recovery got me to decide that it was important that the general public be aware of some of the issues people who struggle with addiction have to face each day for the rest of his or her life, even in sobriety. I moved on with my life after a long and painful recovery, where I was so far gone I had no way to express myself in my own defense for many years. As time went on and I gained recovery, I felt that there was a void of information, that we needed to learn more about recovery than what we are presented with in today's day and age. The mysterious and haunting stories, such as the death of Don Simpson whom I knew, Anna Nicole Smith who's stand-in I had been and Michael Jackson who's home at Neverlan Ranch I was invited to on his fahter's birthday and had been a fan of since my teenage years. These stories and others kept me dedicated to my own recovery and connectd to finding answers and presenting them in a broader spectrum. It is my belief, as a sober woman of 12 years, that we must pay closer attention to the lessons we can learn from those who have lost his and her life as a result of some form of accute intoxication or addiction. The other astonishing factor that compelled me to talk about recovery was learning that the main literature of A.A. originated in 1934 and has not changed since. The other unbeleivable statistic I learned about was back in 1999, where the success rate for A.A. was less than 3% and no more than 7%, depending on the statistic. These stats argued that of most people who walked through the doors of A.A. would never see his or her first year in sobriety.
Today's drug user is no longer the guy lying in the gutter, passed out with a bottle of whisky in a brown paper bag. Today's drug user fuctions through far more sophisticated means with the ever increasing methods of doctor shopping to obtain dangerous prescription drugs. Addiction has changed, therefore we have to change our approach to solving the problems of addiction, especially when it comes to relapse. The 12 Steps that get people sober don't have the power to keep recovering addicts believing. We have to start looking beyond old methods and get smarter than the addict if we're going to have any power over addiction at all.
If you’ve reached a place in life where you know your life deteriorated so severely that the only way to go is up, you have hit what recovering folks call “bottom.” I too have been at the bottom and after 12 years of being clean and sober I know the way up seems impossible. While dealing with emense physical pain from withdrawls which can last for moths, even years, we have to find new ways to relate to the world, live life on life’s terms, get a job, eat right, see a doctor, get fit, sort out all our differences, accept our shortcomings, figure out who our friends are and most of all we have to figure out a way not to think about escaping to use; something which is always on our mind at one time or another. I am sober because I know life's what you make it. Sobriety is a only a choice. We must help addicts make that choice in a sane setting where the addict can learn to grow and heal on the inside.
I am not unique. Pieces of my story fit into many lives of those who are traveling down the road of addiction. Growing up in an alcoholic home was a complicated story. It still is. It's a complicated story for many families as it starts the cyle of the blame game. When I was 18 years old, I came to Hollywood and started my own business as a fashion designer, a jewelry designer, also tried my luck with acting, modeling and later even wanted to go to law school so I could become a lawyer, something which has recently become a possibillity in my life.
However, back then I had an incredible portfolio of modeling photos and beautiful patters for dresses in my fashion collection sold at boutiques and to private clients. I became a member of the Screen Actor's Guild when I was 18 years old and had celebrity clients wearing my costume jewelry creations.
Some of my portfolio photos: (All Rights Reserved.)
Being seen in the hottest clubs and the trendiest restaurants gave me a lot of exposure. After a while my addiction kicked in and without realizing the possible consequences, I enjoyed the good times a little too much sometimes. I do not blame anyone for my addiction, I had issues I would self-medicate and use over which I allowed to haunt me from childhood on. I had a low-self esteem and a poor self-image as a result thereof. As a result of these unresolved issues I became an easy target for the escape to addiction so I did not have to deal with my feelings and broken emotions. In my case my emotioanl issues started with molestation by a stranger when I was a small child to being a multiple victim of drugged rape as a teen (Marijuana and Cocaine). I entered the gates of drug addiction by smoking Marijuana and drinking alcohol. From there addiction brought on harder drugs, violent relationships, plenty of self-loathing and a devastatingly self-destructive lifestyle which came with a certain end to all my dreams, at least for a while.
During my party days, what was most important for me was to fit in so I could run with the “party-crowd” and do whatever they did. I just wanted to feel like I was part of something different. Something where nobody could reach me. Be careful what you wish for! Sooner than later I found myself hanging out with the wrong crowd, people who were as blind to their addiction as I was and in some cases worse than me. I engaged in using drugs and drinking to excess, something I had been doing on my own since I was very young thinking it was "no big deal." I engaged in a lifestyle that will forever echo as “legendary lies” between the pages of many Hollywood tell-all books and cyberspace gossip mediums. No one was there to stop me and I could have easily died from my willful indulgences, as I was very clever at hiding my obsession with substance abuse.
When I hit rock bottom, I found myself in a hotel room, all my belongings lost, gone or stolen, with $50 to my name, surrounded by infamy. I was reading books out loud because I lost my ability to speak clearly, a result of my drug and alcohol abuse which had caused reversable brain damage. I read in a medical dictionary, which I found in the hotel lobby, that I may have damaged the frontal lobe of my brain by snorting too much Methamphetamine (a.k.a. Speed, Crystal, Crank) and thereby blocking neurotransmitters sent to my brain fom my central nervous system from reaching the temporarily inactive part of my brain. Prior to Meth I had been abusing every “popular” drug I encountered from prescription pills to street drugs, most of which were given to me because they made me, well…let’s just say…“exceptionally friendly.” By the time I ended up living in the hotel however, the drug I was addicted to that nearly ended my life almost had me down for good. Meth had a strong hold on me and changed me so much, even I was afraid of who and what I had become. I knew I needed to stop if I wanted to live and I had no idea how to ask for help since I had convinced everyone I knew who thought I had a problem that I could "handle my high."
I was emaciated, ate one meal every two to three days and felt there was no hope for me. My hotel wanted to throw me out for not paying the tab on several occasions. I borrowed and begged to make the rent every week and raided the small kitchen late at night of cheap cup of noodles soup so I could eat. I slept for days, only went out when it was dark and spent most of my time alone. No one was excited to take my calls, except for my drug dealer. I sat on the floor in my hotel room for months, with the curtains drawn, high, drinking cheap vodka, smoking cigarettes, listening to music, thinking about my life and the wreckage I created with my behavior. I was a disgrace. This had to stop; the bottom was not looking good to me anymore. I could no longer find any fun or meaning in what I was doing to myself and the signs that I was a drug addict could be seen from a mile away.
Night after night, I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed for a life of love and gratitude, a life of accomplishment and self-esteem. I prayed for forgiveness and understanding. I prayed for justice. I prayed for all those I hurt with my addiction and blind desire. I even prayed for those who hurt me. Most of all, I prayed for a miracle. One day I got up from my knees and realized I was a complete failure. What had I done to myself? Perhaps this was my moment of clarity.
Only a few weeks after my prayers to a God whom I truly believed did not like or believe in me very much, I met a man who had been a 17-year member of a 12-Step group. Through his example and message of recovery to me, I found out that there was not only help for me, but that there was hope as well. I didn’t get the point right away, thinking 12-Step meetings were places you had to pay for and be introduced to in a special way. I didn't realize a meeting was only a phone call away had I dialed 411 and asked where I could find such a meeting.
Yet somehow after meeting this man, through a will more powerful than myself, I quit methamphetamine. Quitting was a tricky thing however. I only had my will to rely on for quitting. I had no spiritual guidance specifically directed at my problems of addiction. Having been raised a Catholic and having had faith in my life as a child, this gave me a foundation to find my will to change through faith. Therefore as faith was minute my addiction was not finished with me quite yet and I still felt the need to find comfort by drinking alcohol. Because I could not afford to go to a doctor or a treatment center to get clean through managed detox medication, the days and years of quitting Meth were the darkest days and years of my life and the constant physical pain and overwhelming emotions had me believing at times that God may have decided to take me from this world. Unbeknownst to me, God had other plans.
It took me several more years of denial, stubbornness and idealism to arrive at the same place of prayer all over again. I met a woman who suggested a meeting to me. I asked her if I might borrow her copy of the meeting literature as I wanted to know everything the literature said before I attended a 12-Step meeting. Not knowing anything about the meeting culture, I attended. A member in the small room scolded me with cross-talk the first time I spoke up because the member didn't like what I had to say, as it did not specifically relate to alcohol alone. Disappointed, I left and felt my courage to step into a meeting, raise my hand and admit I had a problem was something I would be commended for. There was no standing ovation. More worried about what people would think of me next time I went to this meeting, I didn't realize then that there was one thing that happened on that day.
The day I stepped into this meeting, I stepped in as an abject failure. I had failed as a drinker, a drug addict, a smoker, a home wrecker, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a worker, a designer, a model, an actor and the list went on ad infinitum. But the moment I stepped into this meeting room and raised my hand, admitting I had a problem and was powerless over my addiction, was the moment I no longer failed myself as a human being. And eventually I realized I was not alone anymore because I finally took responsibility for myself.
Sobriety completely changed the direction of my life. I started to succeed at all the things I was unable to comprehend before I became sober. After several years of recovery I hardly believed that the life I was living was really mine. People were willing to take a chance on me again and I became a functioning, contributing member of my community. I learned how to live again and be responsible for myself, so that I would be able to help others. My career and education showed me that I could do more than participate. I found the will and focus to find achievment and greatness.
Yet at the same time I do not wish the experience of my early recovery on anyone. Getting sober is not childs-play. It is painful physically, emotionally and spiritually. Most addicts prolong to quit using, not necessarily because we are willful, but because we do not believe we can manage a sane life without drugs. Finding the will to quit is a choice between life and death and should never be taken lightly.
With nothing more than a strong desire to succeed, I worked on my recovery and went to hundreds and hundreds, of open speaker meetings. I also learned some hard lessons in recovery. Lessons which I will write and talk about on this website, because in my opinion, recovery is less than a perfect world for those of us who want to find the answers which will work for our situation. Getting sober is a very rough ride. Don’t get me wrong; help is there for you too. What I will discuss with visitors to this site, is to focus on the the answers outthere that are infront of us each day. I will discuss the tools of recovery in places where we may not have thought to find answers. If we're going to get better, we need to talk about the things that make us sick. The end-game after all is to move on with a happy and fulfilling life and be able to find a way to forgive ourselves so we can gain the strength to find our dreams once again.
Welcome to Five Years From Now!